some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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