Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.

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(530): View more from California

My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.

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(913): View more from Kansas

The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.

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(530): View more from California

When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.

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(660): View more from Missouri

He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed

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(818): View more from California

I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?

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