Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
