i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
