Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
