Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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