I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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