I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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