You're my little dorito
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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