Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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