she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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