summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
