You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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