Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
