new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize