dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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