How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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