Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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