i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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