There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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