Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
