found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
