Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
