her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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