Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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