She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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