i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
