First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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