no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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