Barsexuality is the new black.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
