I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
