All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
