After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
