my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
