you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
