Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
