I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
