At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
