so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
