i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
