So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
