I think im going to throw up on grandma
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
