as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
false alarm. still invincible.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
