it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
