Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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