There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
