what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
