I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
