I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
