Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
