Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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