I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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