i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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