Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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