I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize