I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
