where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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