There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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