eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
