Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
