is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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