I cockslap morals
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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