he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
