so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
