So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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