He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize