The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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