he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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