A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
