I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
