fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
